Deacon Gifts

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

'With the possible exception of my husband, we all enjoyed your sermon, Reverend.'

"Deacon, you cannot wear a collar! People will confuse you with being a priest."

'Oh, oh! They're going to give it to us with both barrels!'

"Virtual Reality glasses. Well, I said my sermon would let them see the real difference between Heaven and Hell this morning"

"I guess I missed more Sundays than I thought."

"Go ahead and take Labor Day off, Pastor."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

Ghostwriting the Bible

God Sneezes Out Creation

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Night-time halo

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

'Okay.. what the hell.'