Dean Gifts

'Hold on a minute. Someone stole my pen.'

'Enforcing the publish or perish rule, Dean McWit?'

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

'If you had a bad evaluation you'll know right away.'

Shooting a spitball at the Dean on graduation day.

Farmer and dean in a train carriage.

'You have failed on all counts...'

'I believe you're thinking of leaving us, Brother?'

The Dean of Physics Demonstrates the Basic Premise of Give and Take, And in Particular Take, To Professor Kott.

Professor Dubreuil is blow away by the dynamic vitality of Dean Richmond's rhetoric.

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

"My job title is actually Dean of Semantics. Well, not semantics exactly. And yet, not not semantics either."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'What do you mean you didn't learn anything? You learned how to tackle, didn't you?'

'Well yes, the Lab's research output was down last year, but the whole year was pretty much wasted doing paperwork for the Science Review...'

'I told the dean I couldn't go to detention because I have detention-deficit-disorder, and he bought it!'

A statue dedicated to "The Unknown Academic Infighter" stands outside a college campus.

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

Servant talking to her old master about her new position

"They could at least have hanged us in effigy!!"

The Further Temptations of Kenneth Starr

"Looks like we found the issue."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

Showbiz Awards

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Benedict Cumberbatch

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

Golfing Boss

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."