Digital Dean Gifts

The Ivies

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I told you to go outside and play."

Computer Room.

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

"Isn't there an app for this?"

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

'You don't have to worry about my future any more -- I just downloaded an entire college education!'

"I don't need a lecture Dad, I know all I need to know from the online tutorials of @DamKing61, @HotDam72 and @DamEasy27. . ."

"Don't blame me for the grade, blame Google's algorithms."

"I'd like to see you do this online."

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

'You have failed on all counts...'

'Who said romance is dead? I just downloaded a screensaver with red roses and chocolates for your PC!'

"I'm so glad we don't need a selfie stick."

The modern generation!

"I've got a better view on my smart phone."

"A virus ate my homework."

"I've diligently spent the last eight hours saving an entire colony of elves from a pack of vicious dragons and your only concern is that it is 2 am?"

"Dad's at that awkward age when he knows just enough about computers to really screw 'em up!"

Kevin had a computer virus.

'What do you mean you didn't learn anything? You learned how to tackle, didn't you?'

The Further Temptations of Kenneth Starr

"I'm subcontracting math, spelling and geography to my smart phone."

Man sitting at computer. Home sweet homepage framed on wall.'

"We're neither software nor hardware. We're your parents."

". . . and what is the user name of this child?"

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

Professor Dubreuil is blow away by the dynamic vitality of Dean Richmond's rhetoric.

A statue dedicated to "The Unknown Academic Infighter" stands outside a college campus.