Divine Directive Decoder Gifts

'No offense, but some of these sound a little PREACHY.'

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

"Then it's agreed. Judgment Day, whenever it comes, will fall on a Thursday, so that they'll get the long weekend."

'Okay - who leaked?'

DIY horror.

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

"The deadline for compliance just kicked in."

'Wow! -- Talk about family values!'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'And He sayeth unto me, 'Behold this second set of my commandments, rendered in stone, large-print edition...''

"From the looks of things, I shouldn't have rested on the seventh day."

Remote-controlled Popemobile.

"That's not what I said."

God red cards Adam and Eve.

'These are a little harsh. Why don't you take time off for some r and r and rewrite them when you're in a better mood?'

"A stranger is about to come into your life!"

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

Today's lesson: the plague of darkness

'And tomorrow. . . the darkness will pass and all will be bathed in a celestial light that will unify and transform mankind. . .'

'I think we took a wrong turn.'

In and Out.

Heaven - "You are here" sign.

'Welcome to the ultimate bottom line.'

"Well, actually, they are written in stone."

'Oh, here we go. Thanks!'

"Got any ID?"

Everest Sign in Heaven

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 56% more cheerful within 18 months

'Oh-oh - Behavior modification!'

'Well, we'd better review the tapes.'

'We've got a list of suspects in that Abel homicide.'

"Why don't you see a good dermatologist?"

'We've got a list of suspects in that Abel homicide.'

'Very nice. Now, what did the boys in software come up with?'

"Life is a struggle for the Pictographically Challenged."