Divine Decree Enthusiast Gifts

'And He sayeth unto me, 'Behold this second set of my commandments, rendered in stone, large-print edition...''

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"Then it's agreed. Judgment Day, whenever it comes, will fall on a Thursday, so that they'll get the long weekend."

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'We were hoping You'd just say 'Be fruitful and multiply' again.'

"According to the breathalyzer, the wine definitely represents your blood."

''Adam and Eve'? -- then You're going ahead with the dualism idea?'

"No! You cannot have your lawyer look over them first!"

'These are a little harsh. Why don't you take time off for some r and r and rewrite them when you're in a better mood?'

'...Now we'd be expecting turning water into a decent '67 vintage at the VERY LEAST!'

'You mean I have to MENTOR, too?'

"The Good Lord is an excellent reference, but without a phone number..."

'No offense, but some of these sound a little PREACHY.'

'They're still ticked off about losing the cost-of-living allowance.'

'Free will? -- I think they need more structure than that.'

"I don't like to complain, but he should've created some jobs, too."

"The tea leaves say you should go into insurance, but I say forget the tea leaves and go into whatever makes you happy."

"Uh-oh. Get ready for another tribulation. God's raging on social media again."

'According to this, you're out of compliance with EVERYTHING!'

"Well, actually, they are written in stone."

'Sorry...it just slipped !'

'Some other king called while you were out -- he said it was important.'

'Adam was okay, but I'd like the next project to be more user-friendly.'

'Well, okay, but these won't be easy to market.'

Moses with Ten Commandments: 'But will these be good for the economy?'

'Any chance of a plea bargain?'

'They like the manna, but they're afraid you're fattening them up for something.'

"They think I made them in MY image? How did they get THAT idea?"

'Oh-oh - Behavior modification!'

Profits - And finally I've asked Father O'Flynn to pray for a miracle.

"Thou doth surely have enough followers to become the Messiah."

'It's true! He does move in mysterious ways.'

The Lottery

"And this time--no ark!"