Dating Site Adventurer Pillows

"Hi, I'm Miranda: I like sniffing bums, rolling about in dead things and chasing tennis balls. . ."

"Your online profile said you weren't the flighty type."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

Online Dating

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

"I'm sorry about all this. It's my animal magnetism."

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

"The cheek of him! At the end of the first date, he wanted me to go to his home to roost!"

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

The perfect man

"Your profile said that you liked long walks on the beach."

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

"Your online profile says you like to foxtrot."

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

Pete never wanted the fame that came with being a national symbol...he just thought it was a good way to meet girls.

"I thought on your profile it said you were into 'BIKING'."

"Sorry, pal. I just need to make sure she likes me for me."

"She said don't forget the straw."

Russian Dating.

Mate Mart

"Hold on one second I'm just scrolling through your Instagram to get to know you."

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

'The website made a mistake. Not 'erotic' - 'neurotic'.'

'C'mon, Larry - you knew the risks when you promised to be my wingman.'

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.

'My mother always told me if it ain't broke, date it.'

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'

Borrow the Bag?