Dating App Adventurer Pillows

Bi-Curious George

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.

'... Yes, I'd love to go on a date with you. Can I bring my boyfriend?'

"Would you consider yourself creamy or crunchy?"

"At least on paper, you're pretty impressive."

"Your online profile said you were a hand puppet."

"At first I thought it must be a typo when your profile said you were 'all mussel'."

"Your online profile mentioned you've had a near-death experience."

"The bastard told me he was a pilot."

"Sorry, the GSOH in my ad stood for 'Got Syphilis On Holiday'."

'I would like to find at least ONE bar that isn't a meat market.'

'If there were only some way to return him to the internet.'

'Actually I placed two ads. Are you a mature, established, educated, single, serious man . . .'

"Well, I'm 6 foot 2 in my bare feet."

COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'How about a nice fixer-upper?'

'Sorry. I don't think we have any women with that good a sense of humour.'

COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'I'm not sure we have a girl with THAT good a sense of humor.'

'What a bunch of incompetents! -- they matched me with my mother!'

"Do you think she's just playing 'hard to get'?"

"Please bear with me. I'm only recently back on the singles scene."

"We met online."

I think I need to change my relationship status on these social networking sites so I can attract more women. You mean like form "married" to "single"? I mean like from "lonely" to "desperate."

"Hold on one second I'm just scrolling through your Instagram to get to know you."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'Read any good Apps lately?'

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"I'm sorry about all this. It's my animal magnetism."

'If I can't do it by iPhone, I don't do it.'

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

"The cheek of him! At the end of the first date, he wanted me to go to his home to roost!"

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"