Dating App Explorers Pillows

'You enjoy jogging, and you have a flare for the gourmet?...Seriously? You chase cars, and I've seen you eat out of trash cans. You have to be honest on these dating sites, dude!'

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

'I misunderstood, I thought I was coming on a blind date, not a bland date.'

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

Online Dating

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"I guess I misunderstood when I read you were into 'Bodybuilding'."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

"I just love a nice knight out."

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

"Don't blame me! Your profile said nothing about a seafood allergy."

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

"Your online profile says you like to foxtrot."

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

"Hold on one second I'm just scrolling through your Instagram to get to know you."

"Hi!- standards need lowering?"

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

"Sorry, pal. I just need to make sure she likes me for me."

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"Hi, I'm Miranda: I like sniffing bums, rolling about in dead things and chasing tennis balls. . ."

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

'Okay, I'll stand on the mantle, but she's never going to believe you bagged a duck.'

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

"Is that 'good reptilian' or 'bad reptilian'?"

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

"What if I dress up like a Chihuahua?"