Dating App Explorers Gifts

'You enjoy jogging, and you have a flare for the gourmet?...Seriously? You chase cars, and I've seen you eat out of trash cans. You have to be honest on these dating sites, dude!'

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

'I misunderstood, I thought I was coming on a blind date, not a bland date.'

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

Online Dating

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

"I guess I misunderstood when I read you were into 'Bodybuilding'."

"I just love a nice knight out."

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

"Don't blame me! Your profile said nothing about a seafood allergy."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"Your online profile says you like to foxtrot."

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

"Hold on one second I'm just scrolling through your Instagram to get to know you."

"Hi!- standards need lowering?"

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"Sorry, pal. I just need to make sure she likes me for me."

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.

"Hi, I'm Miranda: I like sniffing bums, rolling about in dead things and chasing tennis balls. . ."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

'Okay, I'll stand on the mantle, but she's never going to believe you bagged a duck.'

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

"Is that 'good reptilian' or 'bad reptilian'?"