Cynical Dater Gifts

'That's it, no more blind dates for me.'

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

'Single math professor in search of an intelligent woman. Send an example of your favorite equation.'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"Now remember, if I jump out the window, I want to leave."

'Next, time, we'll meet at my place.'

In Desperate Straits.

Waterfall of Disappointment

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

"I now pronounce you Man and Wife. My sincerest condolences to you both."

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

Spud dating.

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

"Of course, your case against him would be a lot stronger if you had made him sign a pre-peccadillo agreement."

Here's one for you... she likes long lurches in the moonlight, scared of fire... enjoys terrorizing villages...

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

"You can come in. But don't try anything funny."

'Romance-minded clown in hot pursuit of woman'

"You know as well as I do, love is just another word for offshore investments."

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

'Single Heating and Cooling technician in search of intelligent, attractive woman. Send picture of your furnace & AC.'

'You must be Olivia.'

Food Science Lab. There's jealousy among the peanut butter molecules. "Smooth" does out all the time and "chunky" can't get a date.

"I'm a fancier of dogs and interesting men."

Nethead strip: Dates

'You two will have lots in common - you share the same anxiety neurosis.'

Valentine's roses $59.99- Feb.15th- $12.99.

Florist. You're taking your new girlfriend to the aviary for Valentine's Day? Yes -- It's a cheap date.

"So tell me again where you're from."