Cautious Dater Gifts

"You can come in. But don't try anything funny."

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

No Immediate Danger

"Now remember, if I jump out the window, I want to leave."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Waterfall of Disappointment

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

Single men in Tahiti

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

Here's one for you... she likes long lurches in the moonlight, scared of fire... enjoys terrorizing villages...

'But how can we be sure the dating service didn't make a mistake?'

'Romance-minded clown in hot pursuit of woman'

'Single Heating and Cooling technician in search of intelligent, attractive woman. Send picture of your furnace & AC.'

"So tell me again where you're from."

"On reflection, it might be prudent to leave this one till last..."

"I'm a fancier of dogs and interesting men."

'You must be Olivia.'

"You must believe me, Jane. I have excellent narrative skills."

Them/ Us

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

At Travel Agent - "We're interested in a no-diarrhea itinery."

"Are you ready to rock within your means so as not to lose sight of what’s really important?"

At Saltwater Sweeties Dating Service

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

'Are you ready to be the winners?'

Valentines Day.

"Would you consider yourself creamy or crunchy?"

'Well. I gotta admit, she did say in her profile that she's an old-fashioned girl!'

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

"Okay, guys. Don't open your chutes till I give the word."

Height barrier accident.