Cautious Dater Pillows

"You can come in. But don't try anything funny."

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

No Immediate Danger

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"Now remember, if I jump out the window, I want to leave."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Waterfall of Disappointment

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

Single men in Tahiti

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

Here's one for you... she likes long lurches in the moonlight, scared of fire... enjoys terrorizing villages...

'But how can we be sure the dating service didn't make a mistake?'

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

'Romance-minded clown in hot pursuit of woman'

'Single Heating and Cooling technician in search of intelligent, attractive woman. Send picture of your furnace & AC.'

'You must be Olivia.'

"You must believe me, Jane. I have excellent narrative skills."

Them/ Us

"So tell me again where you're from."

'When it comes to our Boef flambe safety is paramount.'

"I'm a fancier of dogs and interesting men."

"On reflection, it might be prudent to leave this one till last..."

At Travel Agent - "We're interested in a no-diarrhea itinery."

'Are you ready to be the winners?'

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

At Saltwater Sweeties Dating Service

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

Valentines Day.

"Would you consider yourself creamy or crunchy?"

"Are you ready to rock within your means so as not to lose sight of what’s really important?"

"Okay, guys. Don't open your chutes till I give the word."

Height barrier accident.

'Your online profile said you like long winter nights, group gatherings and raw seafood.'