Cautious Entertainer Gifts

"Are you ready to rock within your means so as not to lose sight of what’s really important?"

No Immediate Danger

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

'Don't you ever knock?'

Pottery Slam

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

"You can come in. But don't try anything funny."

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

"Well, sure, it LOOKS like a straightforward plea to buy our product...but for safety we better run it by the legal department

'I'd like to play, but I'm afraid it might void my warranty.'

Adult Magician

Tortoise Goes For A Swim

"On reflection, it might be prudent to leave this one till last..."

Tom Waits.

At Travel Agent - "We're interested in a no-diarrhea itinery."

'We're taking baby steps with this whole social media thing until we're certain it pans out.'

"Give it up for Stevie and his musical underarms! Next up, in the house...Crazy Katrina and her jump rope of death! It's something you'll see only on...the Security Camera Network!"

"O.K., so no animals were harmed, but were they adequately compensated?"

"Okay, guys. Don't open your chutes till I give the word."

Ken Dodd

"Was there ever a boy scout badge for 'caution'?"

'You should try to be more spontaneous.' 'I shall. When I'm good and ready.'

"Unless you can prove their training was cruelty-free, you don't have a chance in this business."

"I'm detecting no heart at all...which explains your dislike of cute puppy videos."

"Your prognosis? That depends on your health insurance."

Gymnast on balancing beam about to slip on a banana skin.

"I'd be very happy to give if I could be confident the money was spent well!"

"We'd prefer the sort of place where we won't catch any disfiguring diseases or be killed by fanatics."

"Better safe than sorry."

Tortoise and his Little Chemist Set

You've reached Randy, the Dating Doctor. What ails you? I'm friends with this girl … She's all I can think about. I treat her way better than the guys she dates, but she doesn't even know I'm alive. Of course she knows you're alive. You're the potted houseplant in the corner of her life. Do you understand what I'm telling you? That it's only a matter of time til it's my turn? You're more like a Venus Flytrap.

Employee Evaluation - I'm sorry, but we have stopped animal testing.

The Secret of Long Life...

"Are you finally going to admit that you've run out of things to do now that you're retired?"

Excess Baggage: When in doubt about eating something sold by a street vendor when you're away from home...Don't.