Ironic Dater Gifts

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Waterfall of Disappointment

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

'Romance-minded clown in hot pursuit of woman'

"...Also, true love is eventually tax deductible."

Here's one for you... she likes long lurches in the moonlight, scared of fire... enjoys terrorizing villages...

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

Sinlge-white-male seeking single-female who enjoys, silence, long long walks, and scorpions.

"He's a terrible drunk."

'Single Heating and Cooling technician in search of intelligent, attractive woman. Send picture of your furnace & AC.'

"Boy, your sister wasn't kidding when she said you were the face of the company."

'You must be Olivia.'

"I'm a fancier of dogs and interesting men."

"Speed daters! Say hi within the hour!"

"So tell me again where you're from."

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

At Saltwater Sweeties Dating Service

"Would you consider yourself creamy or crunchy?"

Valentines Day.

"I have two children from a previous economic cycle."

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

'Are you ready to be the winners?'

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

'Obviously a cry for help.'

Dear Diary....I'll never, ever, go on a blind date again!

"I posted dozens of cat pictures on social media to meet women. Then one dated me and ran off with my cat."

"How about we chill out at my place with a bottle of Mateus Rose listening to my vinyl seventy eights?"

Small man falling in love with large woman