Ironic Dater Pillows

What you really need to do is stop thinking about women. Seriously? House of Java .Net Cybercafe. Of course. You need to be out there doing your own thing, without a single thought to whether it'll impress a lady. Ladies dig that. Randy's Dating Principe #1: Embrace the irony. It's easier to embrace the Xbox.

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Waterfall of Disappointment

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

'Romance-minded clown in hot pursuit of woman'

Sinlge-white-male seeking single-female who enjoys, silence, long long walks, and scorpions.

"He's a terrible drunk."

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

Here's one for you... she likes long lurches in the moonlight, scared of fire... enjoys terrorizing villages...

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

"...Also, true love is eventually tax deductible."

'Single Heating and Cooling technician in search of intelligent, attractive woman. Send picture of your furnace & AC.'

"I'm a fancier of dogs and interesting men."

"So tell me again where you're from."

'You must be Olivia.'

I'm thinking that for our first date, we should go to the "please touch" museum

"Speed daters! Say hi within the hour!"

"Boy, your sister wasn't kidding when she said you were the face of the company."

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

'Are you ready to be the winners?'

Valentines Day.

"I have two children from a previous economic cycle."

"Would you consider yourself creamy or crunchy?"

At Saltwater Sweeties Dating Service

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

Dear Diary....I'll never, ever, go on a blind date again!

'Obviously a cry for help.'

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

'Well. I gotta admit, she did say in her profile that she's an old-fashioned girl!'

"I posted dozens of cat pictures on social media to meet women. Then one dated me and ran off with my cat."

I like him. He makes me almost laugh.

"How about we chill out at my place with a bottle of Mateus Rose listening to my vinyl seventy eights?"