Idealistic Dater Gifts

'Maybe you set your ideals too high, Karen...'

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

Waterfall of Disappointment

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

'Let's do lunch.'

Intelligent Sexual Design

"We're still trying to sort out the details."

'No, please, go on. It's so refreshing to talk to someone with an entirely different point of view.'

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"Nothing - he's ghosting you."

I'm looking at photos of potential dates here. Your "screening" process.

True Loves

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

Sinlge-white-male seeking single-female who enjoys, silence, long long walks, and scorpions.

A hippie saying "Peace"

"I'm so shallow."

"It's over between us Brian. . . as soon as I've announced it on twitter."

"I always pick Mr. Wrong..."

"The woman I marry will be beautiful, a great cook, intelligent, pleasant and rich."

I'm thinking that for our first date, we should go to the "please touch" museum

'When I said in my on-line profile that I was athletic, I meant that I like watching sports!'

'If the opposite sex insisted on devouring YOUR head and laying thousands of eggs in YOUR carcass, then perhaps celibacy wouldn't seem like such an unreasonable lifestyle option!'

'Obviously a cry for help.'

'You will meet a tall, dark and handsome man, but you will dump him for a short, chubby, goofy looking doctor.'

Valentines Day.

'Would it be too forward of me to give you a tweet?'

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

"I think she's fully committed to me - She got an 'I'm with stupid' TATTOO!"

"I have two children from a previous economic cycle."

Non-profit organization chart

What star sign are you, let me guess...libra?

"Like, weirdest date ever, last night, he kept trying to make eye contact!"