Cynical Artists Gifts

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

First we thought the apes would conquer the world...When in reality we've been busy mining the end of the world all along.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

Hare tells tortoise: 'Remembe the plan: on the final stretch, you go down.'

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

Will Self deprecation

"Half full, or half empty? Do you want a positive spin, or a negative spin?"

'Blair picks safe poet caureate' "He was just giong through the motions"

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

"Politicians can't make the trains run on time but they never miss the gravy train."

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

"I'm not getting out of bed. What's the point? Things keep getting worse every day. Even my toothbrush depresses me... I'll just continue sleeping until the world comes to its senses." "Amen."

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

"But is it art ?"