Art Cynic Gifts

Old Rope

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Nihilistic customer service"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

The Forever Stamp

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

'Blair picks safe poet caureate' "He was just giong through the motions"

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Obama builds own gallows.

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

Born Cynical,,,,

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

"I didn't like the stamp, I didn't like the opera, and I don't like the movie."

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

Information and Still don't get it.

"I started out looking for an honest man and settled for a guy with creative bookkeeping skills."

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

"I was an incurable romantic until I met Martha's divorce lawyer."

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.