Cynical Artist Gifts

Doomsdayers recycle pamphlets in case they are wrong.

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

First we thought the apes would conquer the world...When in reality we've been busy mining the end of the world all along.

"Me? I have a strong urge to devote my life to making the world a better place for all humanity."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

Famous Oxymorons...

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"With great power comes great reward."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

"Half full, or half empty? Do you want a positive spin, or a negative spin?"

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

Will Self deprecation

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

'Blair picks safe poet caureate' "He was just giong through the motions"

Suggestions Get Shredded.

"Diogenes, this is Washington, D.C. It's probably the worst place to look for an honest man."

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

You're a man of the world, Mort. You've seen things in your time, haven't you? I've seen things that would curl your toes. I've seen dust as tall as mountains sweep across the plains. I've seen a swami mystic turn a dying beggar into a soaring dove on the banks of the Ganges. I've seen Republicans and Democrats work together to pass legislation that moved America forward. You had me until you got to that fairy tale. I've seen a time when houses cost just twice your annual income.

"Today the House Intelligence committee began its investigation of the FBI's investigation of the House Intelligence Committees investigation of the FBI..."