Cultural Cynic Gifts

"I didn't like the stamp, I didn't like the opera, and I don't like the movie."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Congratulations! You've made the short-list for who we're blaming."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"Would you thrive in a hostile work environment?"

Obama builds own gallows.

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

'Oh I've always been a sceptic, through all my past lives.'

Old Rope

'It's like home from home, really-rubbish telly, lousy grub..'

Cornucopia Prime

'If voting in elections really changed anything the politicians wouldn't allow it!'

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

"So much for the news, now for the corrections."

Warning! The next programme contains no celebrities.

'Against Joie De Vivre': Meet the author today.

'Don't tell me about the basic goodness of children - as soon as there were two, Cain killed Abel!'

'A penny for your thoughts, Bernie... of course I'll have to pay you later.'

Spaced-based Weapons We Need Today

'I like to keep up-to-date with the movies I'll be hating next year.'

"Families depress me."

'Bureau of great expectations ... Sorry we missed our mark.'

Such a Coincidence

"It's not fair. I'm a celebrity. Half the stuff written about me isn't even true."

"I will never read that book, and I'm eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

'Everything is illusory, but television is ESPECIALLY illusory.'

Boss, can we change the Muzak? There's only so much Duran Duran I can take. Forget it. I'm trying to lure in Generation X-ers. They're the new sandwich generation. They're sandwiched between caring for their kids and caring for their parents. So they drink lots and lots of coffee. Music isn't supposed to be cynical. Little known fact: Duran Duran is 2% more mouth-watering than Oingo Boingo.

'You know, I'll always think of the song that's on the jukebox right now as...our song. Luckily, I've always hated it.'

"You couldn't take my son's violin, could you?"

'There's a load of rubbish on the T.V. again.'

'If you don't want to know the scores please exercise your distrust of the BBC now.'