Music Cynic Gifts

Spaced-based Weapons We Need Today

'You know, I'll always think of the song that's on the jukebox right now as...our song. Luckily, I've always hated it.'

"You couldn't take my son's violin, could you?"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

Always Compatible

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

Our love is strong, but it's our mutual dislikes that really keep us together.

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'If you're using this for research into your next book then you can sleep in the spare room!'

Pub. This is John. He also loves obscure bands until they're popular then hates them. The Druidiots. Luckies. 50 ale.

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

'...and do you take this pre-nup...?'

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

'So to sum up this lengthy discussion: at the next meeting we'd prefer one platter of Brie and grape, one of honey glazed ham, and one of roast beef with wild horseradish - and NO cheese and pickle.'

"Yes, Myra, I do still love you. What I don't love, however, is this exit poll every damned morning."

'Yeah, I think we have a future together. Would I write you a post-dated check for my half of the dinner if I didn't?'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

Love Then and Now

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

Bush vs. America