Curious Commentator Gifts

'Are you the Doctor Caslick who developed the operation to solve the dog and cat population explosion?"

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

Wifi in Hell

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

Nature is going crazy! Extremely hot summers, tornadoes, floods. . .and now Frank comes home sober on a Friday evening at 10 PM!

Do Guns Kill?

A lady playing piano and a man talking to her

Expressions of mystery.

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"With great power comes great reward."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.

'Mummy, what's a daddy one of those called?'

"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."

'Twigs... great, that'll be comfortable.'

Suggestions Get Shredded.

'A shocking report shows more marriages are ending in divorce than decapitation. Could this be the end of traditional marriage, as we know it? More on that. . .after the break!'

Do you believe in money at first sight?

The tree of liberty can survive only so much grafting.

'ANOTHER fatwah?! Who have you been sharing your thoughts with this time?'

"Today the House Intelligence committee began its investigation of the FBI's investigation of the House Intelligence Committees investigation of the FBI..."

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

A Diverse Cabinet That Looks Like America

'I like it.'

God hounded by the media.

"Listen, pal! I didn't spend seven million bucks to get here so I could yield the floor to you."

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

People want as much government as they deserve.

"There's a customer-satisfaction questionnaire for you to fill out and for us to not look at and immediately throw away."

'Psst, Senator, not that one -- that's your HIDDEN agenda!'

The Phenomenon of Absolute Power, Expressed as a Geometric Curve.

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

"He's a good boy, but he sheds like crazy."