Cautious Commentator Gifts

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"With great power comes great reward."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.

Suggestions Get Shredded.

"But is it art?"

"Today the House Intelligence committee began its investigation of the FBI's investigation of the House Intelligence Committees investigation of the FBI..."

'ANOTHER fatwah?! Who have you been sharing your thoughts with this time?'

I don't need to know any math --- I'm going to be a politician.

House Arrest in the Age of Coronavirus

A Diverse Cabinet That Looks Like America

"Listen, pal! I didn't spend seven million bucks to get here so I could yield the floor to you."

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

'Psst, Senator, not that one -- that's your HIDDEN agenda!'

"There's a customer-satisfaction questionnaire for you to fill out and for us to not look at and immediately throw away."

Our staff are very pleased, she's one of the brightest in her class. (What do you expect? I'm a genius!) I don't know where she gets it from...

"The only reason I would take a job in government is to write a tell-all book!"

"Looks very promising. Put us down for one half of one share."

Health and safety nightmare.

Frankenstein wears a t-shirt that states: 'Just say no to stem cell research.'

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

The Three Branches of Government

'Thank you, Iris, but it's actually a 'Lauer cake'.'

"This is the politicians model, it doesn't actually give an answer."

"Sir, your trust me sign is crooked."

The Kommander in Khief

Vote. You gave him a campaign contribution? Yes -- I think of it as investing in pork futures.

Why Physics and Politics Don't Mix

'Of course, the really big money is in junk science.'

"Amazing. Their entire economy was based on gift cards."

'When we said 'the common good,' of course, we meant ourselves.'