Quirky Commentator Gifts

The eulogy was beautiful, although the question-answer period was rather odd.

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

The Phenomenon of Absolute Power, Expressed as a Geometric Curve.

Expressions of mystery.

My opinions do not necessarily reflect those of the station, its advertisers and especially the teleprompter technician, who thinks I'm a total freakin' mor

"It's not surprising I'm gluten intolerant. I'm intolerant of pretty much everything."

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

'I know you want to draw attentin to your blog, but having a wardrobe malfunction won't help.'

'Fly Nightly news'

'I like it.'

'It's what the computer that replaced me came in.'

'A shocking report shows more marriages are ending in divorce than decapitation. Could this be the end of traditional marriage, as we know it? More on that. . .after the break!'

'Well, I don't know much about sport, but I know what I like.'

'So what'll it be, papery plastic or plasticy paper?'

"When I die I want to come back as a beautiful swan. And you?"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

Wifi in Hell

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Glance Exchange

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"How about a hand."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth