Quirky Commentators Gifts

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

The magic that never gives up

Expressions of mystery.

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

That's nothing. You should see what he writes in the comments section.

So what's your back story? What do you do? Marketing. Downtown. House of Java.net Cybercafe. I'm an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. Heard of it? A baby goes to a restaurants and cafes and tried their food. If he likes it, the eatery gets a glowing online review. If not, curtains! I'm an investor. I'm on the ground floor! Did you only ask about me so you could then talk about yourself? I hear you. You're asking about me. Don't know what's worse: Men, high-tech investors, or the combinat

Art Gallery.

'A shocking report shows more marriages are ending in divorce than decapitation. Could this be the end of traditional marriage, as we know it? More on that. . .after the break!'

'I like it.'

'ANOTHER fatwah?! Who have you been sharing your thoughts with this time?'

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

"Thanks for my pocket money Dad. But you forgot to add 17.5% VAT."

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

The Phenomenon of Absolute Power, Expressed as a Geometric Curve.

"While a cure for curiosity remains elusive, it continues to take a deadly toll."

Our staff are very pleased, she's one of the brightest in her class. (What do you expect? I'm a genius!) I don't know where she gets it from...

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

"No, the guy who had this job before me didn't retire - he escaped."

"That outfit is a nasty mix of stripes and patterns."

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"I used to have a good head for business. Then I went and got married."

If you had awful, disgusting fish-breath, would you want someone to tell you? Nice try, amateur. But you're talking to the woman who wrote "The Art Of The Insult." It was a best-seller in 1941. You just quoted chapter 48, paragraph 7: "The Plausibly Deniable IF-sult." Yeah. Right, you made that up. Nice try. Chapter 42: "Sarcastic Dismiss-sult."

You're a hard man to read, Randy. At times, you seem like a cad. A Don Juan. A scoundrel. But at other time, you seem wise. Mature. Supportive. Ladies are most responsive to a "bad guy" to "good guy" ratio of 7 to 6.3756892. My findings have been published in the Oxford Journal of Lovin'.

My opinions do not necessarily reflect those of the station, its advertisers and especially the teleprompter technician, who thinks I'm a total freakin' mor

"I warned you, Silvia, all 8 foot lizard creatures are the same."

'I know you want to draw attentin to your blog, but having a wardrobe malfunction won't help.'

'Of course my income didn't really take off until I left tele-marketing and got into insurance fraud.'

Golf Shop. Sale. I need a ball that comes with distance, accuracy, and a tiny little life jacket.

'They're called 'ladies in waiting,' not 'those broads downstairs'!'

Cash for honours: 'Suit you, sir - Oooh, suit you!"

"If I had that much money to give to the democratic party, I'd be a Republican."

Cupcake icing and matching hairstyles.

No shoes, No shirt, No Service.

"Do you guys know how lucky you are to have a big house that's not too big?"

"When I die I want to come back as a beautiful swan. And you?"