Quirky Commentators Gifts

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

The magic that never gives up

Expressions of mystery.

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'I like it.'

Art Gallery.

'A shocking report shows more marriages are ending in divorce than decapitation. Could this be the end of traditional marriage, as we know it? More on that. . .after the break!'

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

'ANOTHER fatwah?! Who have you been sharing your thoughts with this time?'

"Thanks for my pocket money Dad. But you forgot to add 17.5% VAT."

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

"No, the guy who had this job before me didn't retire - he escaped."

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

Our staff are very pleased, she's one of the brightest in her class. (What do you expect? I'm a genius!) I don't know where she gets it from...

'That concludes my prepared remarks. I'll take questions that fit my prepared answers.'

"I used to have a good head for business. Then I went and got married."

"I warned you, Silvia, all 8 foot lizard creatures are the same."

'I know you want to draw attentin to your blog, but having a wardrobe malfunction won't help.'

'Of course my income didn't really take off until I left tele-marketing and got into insurance fraud.'

Cash for honours: 'Suit you, sir - Oooh, suit you!"

'They're called 'ladies in waiting,' not 'those broads downstairs'!'

No shoes, No shirt, No Service.

Cupcake icing and matching hairstyles.

"Do you guys know how lucky you are to have a big house that's not too big?"

"When I die I want to come back as a beautiful swan. And you?"

"If I had that much money to give to the democratic party, I'd be a Republican."

'Sure! I rob a bank, and get 10 years! A banker does it, and gets bonuses, and bailed out!'

'So what'll it be, papery plastic or plasticy paper?'