Cheeky Commentators Gifts

"Thanks for my pocket money Dad. But you forgot to add 17.5% VAT."

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

Check your universal remote control at the door.

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

Expressions of mystery.

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'I like it.'

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

'A shocking report shows more marriages are ending in divorce than decapitation. Could this be the end of traditional marriage, as we know it? More on that. . .after the break!'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

Justice for a heckler.

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

Our staff are very pleased, she's one of the brightest in her class. (What do you expect? I'm a genius!) I don't know where she gets it from...

'...the next train arriving at platform one is the 10.45 fast service to orgasm central!'

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'

"I used to have a good head for business. Then I went and got married."

Easter Island

Football Fantasies

"He said his first word today - pubbies!"

"We lost Mr. Speak No Evil when he became a blogger."

'I want some lessons in back seat driving.'

'I know you want to draw attentin to your blog, but having a wardrobe malfunction won't help.'

'Showed me up you did, the only one politely applauding and wearing a tie!'

'They're called 'ladies in waiting,' not 'those broads downstairs'!'

'Physicists talking dirty'

"Do you wash your plums?"

'I've been sent for booze and fags - I've got a stay-at-home mum.'

"Hullo, 'Railtrack' here, we're thinking of organising a few drinks at your place..."

"When I die I want to come back as a beautiful swan. And you?"