Cheeky Humorist Gifts

'Neck exercise' 'Waist exercise' 'Fund raising exercise'

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"Hullo, 'Railtrack' here, we're thinking of organising a few drinks at your place..."

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

'I've been sent for booze and fags - I've got a stay-at-home mum.'

"Do you wash your plums?"

'And what'll you like in the morning sir?'

Show us your Willy - "Ref I think the white ball is dirty."

Football Fantasies

'We'll look into it.'

'Here. Drink this till I'm hot.'

Easter Island

"Aaahh! - I can see now why they call it the 'moon'"

Then the mask mandate was lifted, and we all had to get used to that again.

"Stop drooling; they're plastic wood, for sure."

"We've invented a new word!"

Elephant ass selfie.

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"The WiFi password is: 'buysomethingorgetout'."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'Bernie, you're not gonna have anything disgusting to hurl at zoo visitors if you forget this.'

Ladmag - Caution, immature content.

'You had me at hell.'

"America hasn't been discovered yet -- how about cheddar?"

Barbecue: Touch the Chef Inappropriately!

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

Justice for a heckler.

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

"Wanna chill at my place?"

"Hey-look, honey! We screwed our tails off!"

"Where can a fellow find some loose tea in this town?"

"Hey you. I can't get in your house because nobody drew a fireplace or chimney. Not my fault, dude. Well, maybe next year. Ho, ho, ho."

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'