Cheeky Banter Gifts

'Pint of 'Binge' please Guv'nor.'

Elephant ass selfie.

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"The WiFi password is: 'buysomethingorgetout'."

"Blame the scientists who are teaching me sign-language Mum: It's not my fault if it's easier to learn the rude signs..."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Sticking out tongue

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

Justice for a heckler.

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

"Thanks for my pocket money Dad. But you forgot to add 17.5% VAT."

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

"Wanna chill at my place?"

'...the next train arriving at platform one is the 10.45 fast service to orgasm central!'

"Hey-look, honey! We screwed our tails off!"

"Where can a fellow find some loose tea in this town?"

"Hey you. I can't get in your house because nobody drew a fireplace or chimney. Not my fault, dude. Well, maybe next year. Ho, ho, ho."

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'

'Anything worn under my kilt? No. Well-used but not worn!'

'The Businessman's Lunch won't cut it, hon. We want the Businessman's Orgy!'

'I can't come to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty, little bug.'

"Hey! Are you staring at my assets?!"

'Rudolph! Now I know the secret of your bright and shiny nose!'

Easter Island

'I'm not a wine snob. You're a wine ignoramus.'

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

"He said his first word today - pubbies!"

Good afternoon, Sir. Did you know a canvasser becomes frustrated and violent every 24 minutes in this country?

'...And this is the lads' trophy room!'

Football Fantasies

Let's play hide-the-sausage!

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

"We lost Mr. Speak No Evil when he became a blogger."