Curious Humorist Gifts

"First time ice fishing?"

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

Intelligent people laugh too!

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

Scarcity

Football Chameleon

Archimedes statue with a lever

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Glance Exchange

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"It's just a tree."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"How about a hand."