Cupboard Captain Gifts

"Must you precede everything you say with 'This is your captain speaking'?"

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'Call for you on the cream corn line.'

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

Captain in a storm

Upper class child with toy cruise ship.

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

"Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs."

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

Welsh airport arrivals.

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

'I like to greet the new team members myself.'

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

"Awwwk! Mutiny is a go! Pass it on! Awwk!"

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

Captain Ahab (Ret.)

Verbal Orders

'Captain, there's someone pissing in the hold!'

"A storm rages from the East - tell the men to get below and snuggle up for movie night."

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

'Spock's expertise in M&A deal making was key to the formation of the Federation.'

Solemn Reference is Made to Mr Bunsby

The crew can no longer tolerate Captain Bligh's ruthless splitting of infinitives."

"Get those decks cleaned you swabs!..."

"Wait...Did I Say 'North'?"

"Looks like a storm ahead, Captain." "I think you're being over dramatic."

Battleship Bingo Night.

'Well, we still think you're a naughty boy, running away to sea like that!'

"This is their way of reminding us how we're losing our best hope for Olympic Gold."