Couch Captain Gifts

"They went together, doctor!"

"Helpful, him? He'd mow the carpet and vac the lawn!"

TV-Man

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

Captive Audience at the World Cup.

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'I don't trust him - he's got beady eyes.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'Son, you can cancel your plans to backpack across Europe after graduation. See? Your father put up the old pup tent instead!'

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

"What time is it?" "Half past World Cup."

"It's time to get the couch gutters cleaned again."

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

'Having him declawed was a total was a total waste of money.'

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

Eventual Motion Machine

'You went to obedience school and you're still not allowed on the couch? What a gyp.'

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

"If the packers lose I'll eat my hat."

"Have we scored yet?"

Colin attempts to be useful around the house didn't always have the desired effect.