Couch Captain Pillows

"They went together, doctor!"

"Helpful, him? He'd mow the carpet and vac the lawn!"

TV-Man

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Nobody listens to me complain quite like you do."

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'Son, you can cancel your plans to backpack across Europe after graduation. See? Your father put up the old pup tent instead!'

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"It's time to get the couch gutters cleaned again."

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

'Having him declawed was a total was a total waste of money.'

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

Eventual Motion Machine

'You went to obedience school and you're still not allowed on the couch? What a gyp.'

Colin attempts to be useful around the house didn't always have the desired effect.

"Have we scored yet?"

"We've just crossed the line between binge viewing and OCD viewing."

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

"There's the remote!"