Cozy Couch Captain Pillows

R. Wickert: Born at Home, Died at Home, Home Schooled. . .

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

"I won't be in today, I'm feeling a little under the coffee table."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'I take back everything I said about this sweater you knitted for me.'

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"Love me?"

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

Exercise vs Laxative.

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

'I don't migrate any more. The satellite dish has made the long winter nights quite bearable.'

"When you are done exercising your finger, the cat would like to talk to you!"

'And now for the (Yawn!) morning report....'

"There's the remote!"

Dog in the Bed.

A man opens his curtains to wake up his cats.

"Comfy?"

'I don't get out of bed for this kind of money.'

"Which side do you want?"

Colin believed in being ready for any sporting occasion

"They went together, doctor!"

"I don't want to sound simplistic, but I think a smaller couch with fewer throw pillows would help this marriage a lot."

"There's nothing wrong with me, I just really like this couch."

A slipper looks at a woman putting on her shoes

"Excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable..."

"Obsessive complacent disorder"

"I am doing something about all the snow. I'm hoping for an early spring."

'I really enjoyed that, but if anyone ask, don't you dare tell them we watched it.'

'Boy, glad i'm not out there amongst all that driving rain!'