Captain Of The Couch Pillows

"Ever since the World Cup she's insisted on wearing the captain's arm band!"

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

TV-Man

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

I don't trust banks. I keep some of my money right here. It's prudent to have a financial cushion.

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

"It's time to get the couch gutters cleaned again."

College Bowl Games - Sponsors

'Having him declawed was a total was a total waste of money.'

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

"Maybe this will make you less of a jerk!"

Colin attempts to be useful around the house didn't always have the desired effect.

"Ahoy!"

'You went to obedience school and you're still not allowed on the couch? What a gyp.'

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

"We've just crossed the line between binge viewing and OCD viewing."

'School sports day - fat boys playing computer game'

Naughty kids watching TV and telling their slack dad to go back to his kennel.

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"This is for all the things you have already heard about via social media."

You've grazed the refrigerator, surfed the net, flipped the channels...for someone who doesn't move much, you sure do get around.

Mud Slinging

Just Married

"What are we doing today?"

"Sky, sir?"

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'