Captain Of The Couch Pillows

TV-Man

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

'Having him declawed was a total was a total waste of money.'

"It's time to get the couch gutters cleaned again."

College Bowl Games - Sponsors

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

"Maybe this will make you less of a jerk!"

"Ahoy!"

Colin attempts to be useful around the house didn't always have the desired effect.

"We've just crossed the line between binge viewing and OCD viewing."

'You went to obedience school and you're still not allowed on the couch? What a gyp.'

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

'School sports day - fat boys playing computer game'

Naughty kids watching TV and telling their slack dad to go back to his kennel.

"This is for all the things you have already heard about via social media."

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"What are we doing today?"

Mud Slinging

First Place Layabout

"Sky, sir?"

You've grazed the refrigerator, surfed the net, flipped the channels...for someone who doesn't move much, you sure do get around.

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'

Just Married