Captain Of Comedy Pillows

Small boat pulling up a ship's anchor.

'Guess who?'

"Damn it, Ned. You're steering us in circles again."

'Oh look, someone has complimented me on my parking!'

Captain in a storm

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'Play it again, Sam.'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

"Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs."

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

Welsh airport arrivals.

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

'I like to greet the new team members myself.'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"Still, you've got to admit our being swallowed by a fish has its humorous aspects!"

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

Fitness Camp. I'm trying to strengthen our boarders!

"Awwwk! Mutiny is a go! Pass it on! Awwk!"

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

'Captain, we're going to have to ask you to stop spiking the ball.'

Captain Ahab (Ret.)

Verbal Orders

"A storm rages from the East - tell the men to get below and snuggle up for movie night."

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

'Captain, there's someone pissing in the hold!'

Donald Glover

Solemn Reference is Made to Mr Bunsby

The crew can no longer tolerate Captain Bligh's ruthless splitting of infinitives."

"Get those decks cleaned you swabs!..."

"Sorry, Captain, but we have to let you go. You just lack leader-ship skills."

"This is their way of reminding us how we're losing our best hope for Olympic Gold."