Captain Of Dry Humor Pillows

"We live in the desert. What did you think I meant when I said it'd be a nice day to go boating?"

"Yes, it's oil-paint: It's difficult to find water for watercolours around here..."

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

'No hostile takeover bids beyond this point.'

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

'... Get set... Wait! We forgot the water!'

"Sorry Capt., but it's a pretty bad termite infestation..."

For the third time that week somebody had super-glued the manager to his seat. It was great for team morale.

A frog makes his own pond from tears.

'Did you just curdle?'

"You're doing that thing again where you're my husband and you're next to me in bed."

This beer has given me the courage to invite you back to my place. This wine has given me the courage to invite you to drop dead.

"Operation Warp Speed complete!"

"Youngsters these days are spoilt,apart from the triple-bypass,five divorces,4 estranged children and cirrhosis working 80 hours a week never did me any harm."

"I've been in the desert for a really long time and I've got a bad case of dry eyes. Do you have any eye drops?"

"You're obviously under consideration for something."

'Quick! sell me a lure,any lure,I just found an empty compartment in my tackle box.'

"I'm having a dry October. . . October 2045."

'Guess who?'

Small boat pulling up a ship's anchor.

Canoeing on a Dried River Bed

"OK, since you have a medical card the cat nip is legal, but I'm going to be watching you."

Man photographing fish through magnifying glass

'Closer... closer...'

Dear thaint Patrick you no drive me away, pleath no drive thnake anywhere. Danger noodle get car-thick.

'It says, 'Just add water.''

Finally, a cable network aimed at me. "You're watching the Pointless Existence Channel."

'Brilliant - cold porridge and stale bread again!'

'I've not had enough sex in my life - and I can't do poetry for toffee. . .gosh, could I murder a coffee.'

"For the trip, I also got us two of each kind of donut."

'It's a shame it took me so long to learn how to just enjoy being p**sed-off.'

"Damn it, Ned. You're steering us in circles again."

Dad is a CEO