Captain Of Comedy Gifts

Small boat pulling up a ship's anchor.

'Guess who?'

"Damn it, Ned. You're steering us in circles again."

'Oh look, someone has complimented me on my parking!'

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

Captain in a storm

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'Play it again, Sam.'

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

"Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs."

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

Welsh airport arrivals.

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

'I like to greet the new team members myself.'

"Still, you've got to admit our being swallowed by a fish has its humorous aspects!"

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

Captain Ahab (Ret.)

'Captain, there's someone pissing in the hold!'

Verbal Orders

"A storm rages from the East - tell the men to get below and snuggle up for movie night."

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

Solemn Reference is Made to Mr Bunsby

"Get those decks cleaned you swabs!..."

The crew can no longer tolerate Captain Bligh's ruthless splitting of infinitives."

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

"This is their way of reminding us how we're losing our best hope for Olympic Gold."

'I told you we should have unionized.'

'So it's true that dolphins help navigate.'

'Well, we still think you're a naughty boy, running away to sea like that!'