Guardian Of The Couch Pillows

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

'John is watching the game under protest.'

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

'Having him declawed was a total was a total waste of money.'

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

'It's good to see Dad keeping his mind active.'

"Maybe this will make you less of a jerk!"

Pet dogs owner thinks her life is boring

"Why would I care of you scratch the couch? I'm not allowed on it..."

'Will you tell the dog I live here!'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"This is for all the things you have already heard about via social media."

"I tied his line around this log, then I tug on it once in awhile. He's gullible, because it's been three hours now."

Mud Slinging

"No incumbents were harmed in the passage of this stimulus package...."

"Don't push her off! Can't you see she's exhausted?"

Who am I kidding?

"Hey, who died and gave you the right to determine my water rights?"

'Next we have a fabulous double-play combo - two players, one low price!'

"Have we got time for a quick argument before our programme starts..?"

They tell us we have to save energy. Well he hasn't expended any in fifteen years.

'Today a government spokesman admitted U.S. foreign policy is so confused...'

The Vigil

Armchair Critics.

Superpac donations of the rich & famous.

"Hold on—I forgot to stamp your hand."

'Bad things happened to good people today -- film at eleven.'