Couch Protector Pillows

Who am I kidding?

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

'You get kickbacks from Al's Sofa City, don't you, Fluffy?'

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"Don't push her off! Can't you see she's exhausted?"

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

Low-Energy Drinks

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

'She'll never look for me here.'

'well, Fred, I see you're finally embracing technology.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'First of all, calm down - your allowed to be on the couch.'

'Are you just back from work or on your way to the office?'

'We had him trained to stay off the furniture, right up until we gave up.'

The IRS emptied my pouch.

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'Ah, business as usual.'

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

"Honey! He's breached the recliner! I repeat, the puppy has breached my La-Z-Boy!!"

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"The emotional support goes both ways."

'Let's have a quiet romantic evening together...we'll turn our cell phones off.'

A couple with a new baby

'Having him declawed was a total was a total waste of money.'

"When we were dating it was all wine, soft lights, and candy. So nothing's changed really."

"These days, I'm mostly just legislating from the couch."

Edna's Couch and Breakfast.

Eventual Motion Machine

"Why would I care of you scratch the couch? I'm not allowed on it..."

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'