Pouch Protector Pillows

'Oh, Joey's left home alright, but you know how it is, kids never really move out...'

The IRS emptied my pouch.

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"Talk nerdy to me."

No Soliciting

"And with you on guard, I won't have to worry about that monster under my bed."

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'He has a big heart. . . inviting his homeless friends in to stay dry.'

"Don't even think about it."

Toys

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

"That's just not the real me."

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

"Don’t worry, girl. I’m working on our ‘no puppy left behind.’"

"We're looking for a 5000 step walk."

"Someday, my son, that will mean you."

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

'I'm a guard dog too.'

A kangaroo mother with a joey in her main pouch and a juice box in a separate smaller pouch.

"Is your dog friendly?!"

'Have you seen little Spotty?'

'I think this is where our fish pond was.'

'You've had enough!'

"Hello? I`d like to report a missing person..."

"Do you have any spaces open in your daycare?"

'Aha...Hmmmm...tsk, tsk, tsk!'

'It's true what they say - we're a nation of dog lovers!'

'My union prevented taking away our dental plan to pay for executive bonuses!'

'It's great: My Masters are poor, so I don't have anything to guard and they never leave me to go on holidays...'

"Don't push her off! Can't you see she's exhausted?"

Who am I kidding?