Pocket Protector Pillows

"It wouldn't have come to this if you just emptied your pockets on laundry day."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"Talk nerdy to me."

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

'No JAMIE,you're NOT keeping any strays! Now GET rid of him and go wash up for dinner!...' / 'Sorry kiddo,i tried...'

Piggy bank #5: carrying (colour).

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

"Out of all your 277 passwords, not once did you use my name. Are you losing feelings for me?"

The IRS emptied my pouch.

'...and now, Doctor, if you have satisfactorily disinfected your hands,...

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

"Some fine day, my son, all this will be yours."

'I have the MRI scan of your brain. The right hemisphere is clogged with computer passwords.'

The stock market sky is falling.

"My wife is constantly invading my personal space. I think she gets it from her family."

"Mom, what's the password to access dad?"

"Ed always wears a poker face. His specialty is password encryption at the NSA."

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all my money had been in risk-free bonds."

"Someone hacked into his account. It's the third time this month he's renamed his cat."

"Don't invade his space."

"Joe, is that you? Can you really hear me? What's the password for the email?"

'Sorry, but I won't discuss my financial portfolio on a first date.'

'Halt! User name and password.'

"Ralphie, no! Not on my Kindle!"

Unbelievable! Who keeps taking by @#$% pens?

'Be careful, I hear he kills cats.'

Clarence always halved lots of cargo.

'Before you buy the gun can I ask if you thought about taking your cat to the vets first?'

"We have had some bumps and bruises on the stock market."

"Holding an open contest on social media and announcing the winner may not be the most secure way to pick a password."

"When you changed your magic word, did you remember to include 2 upper case letters, 2 numbers, and a special character?"

Don't use your dog's name as a password

"Ladies and Gentlemen! For my next trick, I will attempt to correctly remember my password..."