Couch Commanders Pillows

'Because you told me to run the house like a business.'

"It's his own unique version of working remotely!"

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

TV-Man

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

"It's wonderful to be away from the rat race. So, what happened on 'CSI: Miami' last night?"

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"It's time to get the couch gutters cleaned again."

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

'Having him declawed was a total was a total waste of money.'

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

Eventual Motion Machine

"Have we scored yet?"