Couch Champions Gifts

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

'Don't push it, son. You can't become a couch potato until you've mastered being a chair spud.'

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Bloody hell!"

"Doesn't seem like 6 hours on the couch, but you can't argue with a lethargy tracker."

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

Captive Audience at the World Cup.

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

'Now that's Real TV!'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

Starvation Watching

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

Indoor Football

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"That's Reubens, he's an alternate lifestyle coach."

... And by the end of the first quarter of the game, the famous 'Man Cave' was completely deserted.

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"Another CSI spinoff? What's this one called?"

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."