Couch Champions Gifts

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

'Don't push it, son. You can't become a couch potato until you've mastered being a chair spud.'

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

"Bloody hell!"

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

"Doesn't seem like 6 hours on the couch, but you can't argue with a lethargy tracker."

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

'Now that's Real TV!'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

"China now says it will withdraw its opposition to the missile-defense shield if the F.B.I. builds it."

"That's Reubens, he's an alternate lifestyle coach."

'My arms are getting shorter.'

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

Indoor Football

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

... And by the end of the first quarter of the game, the famous 'Man Cave' was completely deserted.

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"I watched a Lassie marathon today and realized that I really need to step up my game."

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."