Couch Coach Gifts

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

Burger Discus

"Henry never makes it past the fifth hole."

Football slave

'Can I watch the game at your house? My wife charges a personal seat license fee to sit in front of our TV!'

"We've got it all covered...the cricket, the tennis, the soccer and the other one is for Team Australia."

"What is it with football and this drinking culture?"

"Why is this quarterback still playing?"

"Have we scored yet?"

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"I watch sports on television. Does that count?"

"How come you have this sudden interest in sport?"

'You could learn a thing or two from them. They're not abducting me until after the game is over.'

"Sometimes I think all this post game analysis has gone too far."

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

'He can't come to the phone right now, he's watching the football.'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

Dominate wife telling husband that he shouldn't be weak

'I have to watch this game. It's the only one on.'

"The Browns are the only team in the NFL to have a malpractice squad."

'Well, they may be out of of time outs, but you aren't. Raise your feet!'

"Don't worry...Daddy will be back when the football bowl season is finally over."

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"Don’t tell Mommy, but it’s OK to use swear words during the playoffs."

TV-Man

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

Support Group for high heels abandoned during the pandemic

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.