Couch Athletes Gifts

'Frank keeps bragging about running 26 miles. What he fails to tell people is that it took 8 months to do it in.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Check your universal remote control at the door.

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

"Thursday-Morning Quarterback"

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

Indoor Football

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"No, playing fantasy football doesn't count as exercise. No wonder you pulled a muscle getting up on the table."

'I need to do more exercising? Are you kidding?! I'm a kind of marathon runner! I run from the bed to the fridge, then to the table, back to the fridge and then to the TV, back again to the fridge and retour to the TV day by day!'

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

"When did this game get started?"

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

Eventual Motion Machine

They called her the Olympic Flame because she never went out.

"Have we scored yet?"

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

"Should we have dinner now, or are you watching in real time?"