Couch Athletes Gifts

'Frank keeps bragging about running 26 miles. What he fails to tell people is that it took 8 months to do it in.'

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Check your universal remote control at the door.

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

'John is watching the game under protest.'

Captive Audience at the World Cup.

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

"Thursday-Morning Quarterback"

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

Indoor Football

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"What time is it?" "Half past World Cup."

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

"When did this game get started?"

'I need to do more exercising? Are you kidding?! I'm a kind of marathon runner! I run from the bed to the fridge, then to the table, back to the fridge and then to the TV, back again to the fridge and retour to the TV day by day!'

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"No, playing fantasy football doesn't count as exercise. No wonder you pulled a muscle getting up on the table."

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

Eventual Motion Machine

They called her the Olympic Flame because she never went out.

"Have we scored yet?"

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

A triathlon for the lazy and unfit.

"If the packers lose I'll eat my hat."