Couch Athlete Gifts

"Should we have dinner now, or are you watching in real time?"

Isolation Olympics

"By a fraction of a second - after an extremely close photo finish - Norman finally gets hold of the TV remote."

"I love the change of seasons too, baseball, football, basketball and hockey season."

STRIP *The Fan * Good job I got an extra crate in!

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

"Dad, I think I have what it takes to be a bodybuilder!"

"When did this game get started?"

Pandemic Bowl

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Thursday-Morning Quarterback"

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

'Son, you can cancel your plans to backpack across Europe after graduation. See? Your father put up the old pup tent instead!'

Indoor Football

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

'Having him declawed was a total was a total waste of money.'

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"No, playing fantasy football doesn't count as exercise. No wonder you pulled a muscle getting up on the table."

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

'I need to do more exercising? Are you kidding?! I'm a kind of marathon runner! I run from the bed to the fridge, then to the table, back to the fridge and then to the TV, back again to the fridge and retour to the TV day by day!'

Eventual Motion Machine

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

"Have we scored yet?"

They called her the Olympic Flame because she never went out.

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

'School sports day - fat boys playing computer game'

'I'm working on the report for the third quarter as we speak.'

"Sometimes I think all this post game analysis has gone too far."