Couch Athlete Gifts

"Should we have dinner now, or are you watching in real time?"

Isolation Olympics

"By a fraction of a second - after an extremely close photo finish - Norman finally gets hold of the TV remote."

"I love the change of seasons too, baseball, football, basketball and hockey season."

STRIP *The Fan * Good job I got an extra crate in!

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

"Dad, I think I have what it takes to be a bodybuilder!"

"When did this game get started?"

Pandemic Bowl

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

Captive Audience at the World Cup.

'I don't trust him - he's got beady eyes.'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Thursday-Morning Quarterback"

'Son, you can cancel your plans to backpack across Europe after graduation. See? Your father put up the old pup tent instead!'

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

Indoor Football

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

"What time is it?" "Half past World Cup."

"No, playing fantasy football doesn't count as exercise. No wonder you pulled a muscle getting up on the table."

'Having him declawed was a total was a total waste of money.'

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

'I need to do more exercising? Are you kidding?! I'm a kind of marathon runner! I run from the bed to the fridge, then to the table, back to the fridge and then to the TV, back again to the fridge and retour to the TV day by day!'

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

Eventual Motion Machine