Couch Marathoner Gifts

'I need to do more exercising? Are you kidding?! I'm a kind of marathon runner! I run from the bed to the fridge, then to the table, back to the fridge and then to the TV, back again to the fridge and retour to the TV day by day!'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Check your universal remote control at the door.

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

Captive Audience at the World Cup.

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'Hey, wait for me!'

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

'I don't trust him - he's got beady eyes.'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

"Thursday-Morning Quarterback"

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

'Son, you can cancel your plans to backpack across Europe after graduation. See? Your father put up the old pup tent instead!'

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

"What time is it?" "Half past World Cup."

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

"No, playing fantasy football doesn't count as exercise. No wonder you pulled a muscle getting up on the table."

"When did this game get started?"

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

Eventual Motion Machine

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."