Couch Marathoner Pillows

'I need to do more exercising? Are you kidding?! I'm a kind of marathon runner! I run from the bed to the fridge, then to the table, back to the fridge and then to the TV, back again to the fridge and retour to the TV day by day!'

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

'Hey, wait for me!'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Thursday-Morning Quarterback"

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

'Son, you can cancel your plans to backpack across Europe after graduation. See? Your father put up the old pup tent instead!'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

"Arthur, the bird's gone and done it again."

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

"No, playing fantasy football doesn't count as exercise. No wonder you pulled a muscle getting up on the table."

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

'That's a full ten minutes with the TV off. What now?'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

"When did this game get started?"

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

Eventual Motion Machine

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."