Couch To 5k Challenger Pillows

'Hey, wait for me!'

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"Looks like Harriet mixed her lights and darks again."

Lawnmower

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

Captive Audience at the World Cup.

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

Indoor Football

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

'The economy today got a boost from Alan Greenspan, who said it's O.K. to be irrationally exuberant.'

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'He's in training for the marathon, he watches it every year.'

"Great - really great - but I'd still like to get out of the house every once in a while."

"What time is it?" "Half past World Cup."

'We could make a fortune teaching Parkour you know...'

"No, playing fantasy football doesn't count as exercise. No wonder you pulled a muscle getting up on the table."

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

"When did this game get started?"

'I need to do more exercising? Are you kidding?! I'm a kind of marathon runner! I run from the bed to the fridge, then to the table, back to the fridge and then to the TV, back again to the fridge and retour to the TV day by day!'

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

'How do you propose to repair the roof from down there?!'

'Next on News 7...GM offers to bail out the government in the event of a shutdown...'

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

"Have we scored yet?"

A triathlon for the lazy and unfit.