Cubicle Captain Gifts

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

Human Resources

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

Overworked in the office

40 Days without an on-the-job conversation.

Another day at work would be one too many...

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

'Thanks to the huge bonus, I find myself forced to admire you.'

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

Work Slave

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

Man suffering from rope burn due to climbing the corporate ladder

"We should have taken the cubicles."

'Parsloe, your desk is blocking the corporate food chain.'

"Brandon isn't adapting well to the open office concept."

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

"I tell you, it's a jungle out there!"

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

Do not think outside the box!

Busy day at the office.

'I'm not here looking for a job. I'm the temp who's replacing you when the boss fires you today.'

'Chin up, Simpson, it's for the good of the firm.'

"He said his screen is frozen again."

The Corporate Rat.

'Walter, stop fantasizing and get back to your desk.'

Whack, Out of Whack.

'Welcome aboard, Bob. Your job is to figure out what the hell happened here.'

'Only another thirty-four years, five months and fourteen days until I retire.'

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

The Picture of Dorian Gray's Soul.

'I'm 43 years old. That's 64 in work years.'

"Jones is our go-to-thankless-job-guy!"

"It's another day, Phil. Planning to suit up?"